Once again, it gives us great joy to engage in a conversation with you through the Ilavenil magazine.
One of the major challenges faced by our Tamil diaspora is how to guide our younger generation. Often, the inner struggles of our youth revolve around their longing for acceptance in the society they live in. In their attempts to gain this acceptance, many end up wearing multiple masks, eventually losing sight of their true selves. In the search for their authentic identity, they may become lost, and even after rediscovering themselves, they feel a deep sense of frustration when their families and communities fail to truly understand them.
When everyone wears masks and hides their true face, even those close to them can only interact with the mask — not the real person. This is natural. Many among the first generation of immigrants, who so far didn’t mind their own losses, struggles, and pain, now find themselves struggling to understand their children at this critical juncture. As their children grapple with identity crises and occasionally wear these metaphorical masks — knowingly or unknowingly — it becomes essential for parents to make a strong effort to understand those disguises. This is a necessary component of immigrant life.
Parents must support their children by adapting themselves to changing times and environments, with an understanding of their children’s emotional needs. If, after migrating, we carry the cultural values and standards of our native land without re-evaluating them in this new context, it causes mental strain for both generations. It turns negative. What do we really gain from this? Not much. Even the traditions we follow today were different a hundred years ago. There’s no need to pay such a high price to preserve them unchanged.
Our youth, who must navigate between two contrasting ways of life — one inside the home and another outside — face difficult challenges in affirming that they too belong to this society. These challenges are not simple. And they are often hard for first-generation parents to understand. But making the effort is essential. Parents should not reject their children’s values simply because they differ from their own. Values and norms change over time and place — that’s the nature of life.
Children, too, must eventually understand — if not in their teenage years, then at least as adults — the setbacks and stumbles of their parents. Our parents lived a life of being uprooted from their homeland and trying to grow in foreign soil. That is not easy. Young people must recognize the emotional and psychological challenges that come with such a life.
Children who value their freedom, rights, and individuality must learn to live independently — and take on the responsibilities that come with that freedom. Benefiting from the comforts provided by their parents while refusing to take on any responsibilities, and yet claiming to be progressive only in words, is a double standard. Children who mock their parents’ weaknesses while enjoying the fruits of their labor need to take a hard look at the masks they themselves wear.
When parents, after years of struggle, finally find some stability and peace, being faced with such severe challenges only increases their disillusionment with life.
In trying to live independently, slip-ups and failures are inevitable. That’s life. We must accept it and keep moving forward.
Both generations must meet at a common point and engage in open-hearted dialogue. First, we must acknowledge that we do not fully understand the other side. If needed, we can seek the help of professionals. Social magazines like Ilavenil strive to create platforms for such dialogue. Ilavenil continuously documents the thoughts of both generations and helps create spaces for conversation.
Instead of thinking that only our view is right, we must be willing to step back, loosen our grip, let go a little, and nurture a relationship based on mutual understanding. This is essential for both sides.
To exist and to live — let it be beautiful.
With love
– The Ilavenil Editorial Team
